The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

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**I had more time to write. I read a few of my archives the other day, and I used to write some pretty decent stuff--well kinda-sorta.

**I could change some people. Recently I have been sorely disappointed by the behavior of what I consider to be some  very influential people in my world. I'm sad and disappointed.

** So many innocent people weren't dying worldwide--that's as much as I'll say because I try to avoid politics and there's NO way to discuss this subject without getting political--my opinion anyhow.

** It wasn't so hot.

** My Mother hadn't been dead for almost a year.

** For a better year to come

** I laughed as much on a daily basis as I do when I watch Jackass:The Movie. I apologize for glorifying a film that probably has more accolades than it deserves, but omg I cry laughing--my fav is the very first skit about the rental car. This cast of characters have zero common sence and a combined IQ of about 55, but they are funny idiots. I think it's best that Johnny Knoxville left the South--I think the boy knew he'd get himself shot by some pissed off redneck, lol. Funny, funny schtuff.

** Money was no object.

** My Grandmother would never lay another guilt trip on me.

** Once and for all I wouldn't allow the guilt trips (It's been a lifelong battle but now the grandmonster feels obligated to step where my Mother left off...*sigh*)

** I could meet everyone that reads this.

Now, what do you wish for?

It's amazing how much better I feel since coming off the demon medication two weeks ago! I'm not sure anyone other than me and my husband realized how truly sick I was. I didn't advertise it much to my family to lessen their worries, but when a 41 year old woman can't walk 20 ft. without sitting down, it's serious. And I was down to about 10 ft. with a break. To say nothing of the constant nausea...until this ordeal I thought morning sickness had been bad. I realize this medication has saved a number of lives, I'm happy for those people. However the medication is prescribed every single day in this country for conditions the FDA never approved it for. It's that reason coupled with the fact that it didn't do anything positive for me that makes me very angry. Angry with my doctors(some world famous) and the drug companies who support 'off labeling'--the practice of medications being used for conditions other than what they are approved for. This drug is one of the most toxic on the market. As I said, it's a lifesaver for some, and for others, like me, it's a killer. And I mean that literally--there are many class action wrongful death suits in litigation right now in this country alone.

Along with feeling better comes the opportunity to be much more active than I've been in months. I was telling a girlfriend the other day I haven't been in a grocery/variety store in over 3 months. My husband has done all the shopping for the family. I hope to make my maiden trip this week...maybe. I'm still a little 'gun-shy' because of the close calls I've had blacking out. But the day is not far off!

Something else that is a welcome change is the fact that I actually have a libido now! Yes, that's a little personal I know, but until you have that chemically removed you won't understand. For 4 years now, regardless of how difficult my marriage may have been, I have always thought my husband to be one of the sexiest men I've ever met. Of course I know him intimately so that opinion could be just a wee bit jaded, but he is very, very handsome. While taking the meds I couldn't stand his touch. I couldn't stand the thought of him even kissing me. I felt incredibly guilty about that because I love this man in spite of everything. He was very understanding but also very frustrated--as I would have been. As badly as I wanted to convey to him that I loved him I was so physically ill, I didn't. This Saturday he was a groomsman in a relatives wedding. On Friday evening he brought his tuxedo home, I insisted he model it for me! Oh heavenly God he was beautiful! On Saturday I sat lusting in the church as the wedding took place. I felt like a teenager! Wait, I'm not sure I ever had those kind of urges even as a teenager! After the ceremony--in a very small chapel--there was a 'sort' of receiving line outside--all the wedding party was included. As I made my way around to my husband our eyes met and he winked at me, I'm pretty sure I giggled and I know I began to blush. When I made my way around to him I had prepared to give him the obligatory hug I'd given the rest but for some reason I threw my arms around him and laid one of the biggest kisses imaginable on him! Those around us laughed, clapped and even suggested "we get a room". Ah, the rediscovery of a physical love is a wonderful thing...

Y O U … C A N … O N L Y … T Y P E … O N E … W O R D !

N O … E X P L A N A T I O N S !

1. Yourself: healing

2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend: husband

3. Your hair? **new**

4. Your mother? Dead

5. Your Father? My hero

6. Your Favorite item? my house

7. Your dream last night: being late for something

8. Your Favorite drink: Caffeine~Free Coke

9. Your Dream Car: Chrysler Pacifica

10. The Room You Are In:very tidy

11. Your Ex: who?

12. Your fear: failure

13. Where do you want to be in 10 years: living beach-side

14. Who you hung out with yesterday? Hubby & kids

15. What You’re Not: selfish

16. Your Best Friend: Hubby/Traci

17. One of Your Wish List Items: Independent wealth

18. What makes you happy: Family

19. The Last Thing You Did: read

20. What You Are Wearing: jammies

21. Your Favorite Weather: Warm & sunny

22. Your Favorite book: Charlotte's Web

23. The Last Thing You Ate: crushed ice

24. Your Life: busy

25. Your Mood: moderately depressing

27. What are you thinking about right now: what I have to do tomorrow

28. Your Crush: divorced'em

29. What are you doing at the moment: duh, this. lol

30. Your summer schedule: almost over :(