Love Story
I've always been a sucker for a sad movie. As a young girl I tortured myself by watching movies like 'Brian's Song' and 'Death Be Not Proud' over and over. A good, gut-wrenching cry was somehow cathartic for me.
One line I remember so well from (I think this is the right movie) 'Love Story' was Ali McGraw telling Ryan O'Neal that...."Love means never having to say "You're sorry". At 14 and starry-eyed that was a bold, profound statement. At 41, it's a big load of crap.
"Love" means having to say "I'm sorry" a lot. I find in my life I seem to hurt the ones I love the most more than anyone else. And when I say "I'm sorry" I mean it. Perhaps Ali McGraw should have said something like, "True love means you're able to say "you're sorry" and to mean it from the bottom of your heart.
Sisterhoodlum
It's been a hectic week around here. Not that much going on just seems like the day slips by so quickly. I suppose that's to be expected when you've been spending so much time doing nothing like I have been. Still feel like poo but I'm also trying to deal with that better--some days are better than others.
I didn't post anything for Father's Day. I wish I had, it's no secret that I am and forever will be a 'Daddy's Girl'. I'm proud of the fact! But this has been such a hard year for my Dad I really didn't know how to pay homage to him. You see since my Mother's death he has moved into her house to take care of my handicapped sister. My sister is not mentally challenged, oh no, she's far too evil to be mentally handicapped. She's physically handicapped and always will be. She has no respect for our Dad because she was conditioned all her life by my Mother, who had zero respect for the man. It's such a hard thing to watch and an even harder thing to deal with on a daily basis. Bottom line, she's a bitch. She's a bitchy, 34 year old that is going to be dependent on someone for the rest of her life. You'd think that would humble most people. But not her, she has been taught by the entire family that she's special, and she is special in her own way. But somewhere over the years special has become equal with entitlement. She truly feels that she deserves to be petted and pampered and everyone's schedule should be arranged around what she wants. That's right what she wants not what she needs.
The sad thing is me and my other sister are becoming very hardened to her behavior and the way she treats our Dad. Mind you, if our Father would one time really stand up to her and set some boundries, I think things would change. But he says he just can't bring himself to hurt her feelings. "Excuse me?" somebody treats you like shit 24/7 and you can't stand up to them? So he's not totally blameless in the whole thing. My sister and I don't tolerate the behavior from her and she knows we won't...but in the process of all of this, both of us are developing some very bitter feelings toward her.
It may sound horrible, but deep down inside there's a nagging feeling. A feeling that tells me my Mother is enjoying all this havoc. I must be the world's most terrible child.
The Boys Are Back In Town
Two of my step-sons returned home Monday morning. I really have enjoyed having equal hormones in the house since they've been gone. Normally I am way outnumbered in that department by atleast 3 more suppliers of testosterone. Also, my husband acts differently when they're around--his IQ level drops considerably and he's not as 'love-dovey'. Guess it's a macho thing, huh? Did I just type macho? sheesh
It's times like these that I feel for my Dad who had to live so many years in a house with 4 women. I'm sure there were many times he wanted to run screaming!
It will soon be fresh veggie time as local gardens start coming in (my Daddy's included). I absolutely love this time of year! Was wondering if others felt the same way? So...what's your favorite summer vegetable and why?
Cancer Vaccine
Did you hear about this...
Simply amazing to me! While cervical cancer certainly isn't the most prevelant cancer we women have to worry about, it's one of the most dangerous--few if any sympotms before it's too late.
While this is very exciting news I see some debate on the horizion...makers of the vaccine have suggested that a female be vaccinated before she becomes sexually active. In my opinion, I have no problem with that, but I feel confident there will be those who do.
What do you think?
Insult To Injury
I recieved the bill from The Cleveland Clinic today...
Grand total: a smidge over $102,000
My responsibility: another smidge over $14,000
The fee for using--yes just occupying--the room where the ablation procedure was preformed was almost $19,000. Let me also state for the record the procedure was a complete failure and also resulted in a serious injury. What other business could operate like hospitals do? Are they ever liable for anything?
I realize I have no legal leg to stand on here but I can assure you that I will take my sweet time paying this bill off. Call me cheap, call me irresponsible, call me whatever the hell you want...I'm mad. In retrospect nobody ever even said they were sorry.
A Few Observations
I've been 'laid' up for a little over 7 weeks now, including 11 days at the good 'ol Cleveland Clinic. Thanks to a new medication I have been rendered nearly worthless. I am slowly getting better...
I ventured out on Friday to the hospital for blood work and to stop by my office. I was exhausted and I didn't do much walking but I was out in the real world...and it felt good.
My daughter is getting married. Woo. My mind is pre-occupied with wedding plans! She has found a dress, on clearance and it's beautiful. I didn't mind at all reimbursing her for it. It was a spectacular buy and very flattering. Buying her prom dresses was always such a nightmare--she's very 'busty' with no hips or ass ( much like her Mother) so she's next to impossible to fit. She'll be nearly 20 when she ties the knot, God the insanity.
I've been watching a lot and I mean a lot of television in the last 7 weeks. What else is there to do? One infomercial that's on frequently is the one for "80's Gold", a collection of 128 of the greatest hits of the '80's. Rick Springfield and some chick host it. I've realized a few things watching this spot; Fashion and hairstyles were scary in the '80's and the music was ok. I thought I despised the music but as I listen I'm transported back in time and realize that it wasn't quite as bad as I thought.
I pray to God I never have to have a J-P drain again. I had two in my right thigh after the ablation mishap. One for almost 4 weeks and one for 5 1/2. The "holes" are healing nicely but damnit they still hurt...hurt a lot.
I'm lucky that able to sleep some now. I got some meds for the RLS-Restless Leg Syndrome--yet another side effect of the medically prescribed poision. Still, I rarely sleep past 4 a.m. in the last week I've been making myself get up and either read or get online. I see a lot of the same people online here at that God-awful hour...maybe we should start some sort of insomniacs chat room or something? heh
His Name Is Earl
Shortly before we bought this house we inherited a cat. Let me state for the record that I am not a 'cat person'. No offense to the millions of feline lovers out there, I'm just not one of them.
His name is Earl...well actually it started out as Ariel. My daughters best friend came to stay for a few weeks and conveniently left Ariel--diamond studded collar and all--with us. She was a good kitten from the very start, never popped in the floor, always in the box. She didn't rummage through the garbage on the occasions we'd forget to feed her, all in all she was a pretty likable kitty. In fact, we all began to love and accept her.
When we bought this house we were amused that the back door had a 'pet door' installed. "It's like fate" my husband quipped. 'Ya right' I thought to myself--as much as I did like Ariel, I still didn't trust her. We'd been here about 2 weeks when I was sitting in the living room and she sauntered through the room, the way most arrogant cats do. I did a double-take when I noticed something very suspicious. It was a rear view and right there as plain as day was, ...balls! I picked her up for closer inspection. I'll be damned Ariel's a dude! For a moment I was relieved, no liter of kittens to try to give away before getting her 'fixed'. Then...
...I started to think about all the 'TomCat' horror stories I'd heard. (It is true I've never had a male cat.) I could envision the 'spraying' constant fighting and injuries, etc. I looked his square in the eye and told him we'd have none of that just because he'd suddenly developed testicles, and for the most part we haven't. Earl only has one problem...he's a hunter, and a damn good one.
The novel 'pet door' has proved to be a source of contempt for me. He can easily fit himself and his prey through it. His first kill was a squirrel, and I shouldn't say "kill" because the rodant was very much alive when he brought him in--at 6:50 a.m. on a Saturday. I heard this horrid squawking and looked down to find Earl standing beside my bed with the squirrel in his mouth. I began screaming for my husband, who, doesn't deal with early morning rodant calls even as well as I do. He jumped out of the bed and began to giggle and turn in circles like a little girl. Ya, let's hope if some derranged killer ever enters our house he'll have the forethought to grab the gun before the dancing commences.
Long story short, we got the squirrel out of the house, alive. But Earl is bringing us 'gifts' on almost a daily basis. He's killed multiple birds, in fact as bad as I'd hate to see it happen he'd surely deserve the neighborhood birds to band together and peck his eyes out in our backyard--something out of a Hitchcock movie perhaps. Sometimes he kills them outside, sometimes we have to swat them out of the house with a broom. The squirrels are much more difficult, I know it's bad of me to say, but if he's got a squirrel I hope it's dead...just easier. My Father thinks we're nuts for not nailing the pet door shut, and honestly that idea becomes more appealing everyday.
