The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

  Currently there is a situation in my life that feels completely out of control. I really don't want to elaborate on it, honestly I don't have the energy to get into it. But, I do have an issue that I wonder about...

   I have a tendancy to not stand up for myself. In an effort to change that I have started to notice that most everyone is guilty of that very same thing at one time or another. In other words why don't we stand up for ourselves more often?

   Sure there are those dominating personalities that are so on guard all the time that they face every situation like a rabid animal. I'm not talking about them. I'm talking about the majority of the rest of us.  Why do we repeatedly subject ourselves to people and situations that take advantage of us?

   I'm making progress but struggling. Am I just a glutton for punishment? Or am I just too much of a gnome to make a stand? I think I'm a combination of the two. I have my limits--which by the way, seem to be getting shorter--and when push comes to shove, yes I stand up for myself. And will I ever know where the middle of the road is? Is there really a happy medium and if there is how the hell do I get there?

  Tfriends? Have you seen your list yet? Do you agree or disagree. I kind of like my list...ironically they were blogs that I read relatively regularly. I spend a lot time now reading old t-bloggers on other sites. I miss all you guys.

   Did you check out Ace Young's pic/bio from yesterday's post? Man I could just spread him on a cracker. Seriously I feel like a leacherous old woman! I just get school girl giddy watching that kid. He's simply stud-a-licious!

   Last night was the BEST night of TV for me. It's been so long since I've got to just kick back and watch the tube uninterrupted. It was uber nice.

    I think I'm going to Vegas for a friend's wedding in June--sans family. I could sure use a 'girls road trip'. Especially since my MIL called last night to say that she and the hubby would be joining us in Padre Island, TX in June. I don't remember inviting them. *sigh*

  Happy Friday kids oh and a little friendly reminder...I'll be 41 tomorrow. *boo hiss* Hope you have a great one :)

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'nuff said.

  Cell phones are great things, aren't they? It's hard for me to remember a time when you couldn't grab your cellphone and atleast try to reach most anybody. My first cellphone had a snazzy leather case. Case, not cover. Case as in it's only little mock leather suitcase. It was very heavy and had this long flexible antenna on it. It was cutting edge technology for the time; circa 1990. I remember distinctly how hot the handset would get if you talked for longer than 5 or 6 minutes at a time. None the less it was the start of a beautiful relationship.

   These days there is no landlind at my house. My Internet connection(when my computer's working) comes from the cable. We have a total of 5 cellphones in the home, why would I even need a landline? I don't pay a war pension for the 5 phones. I have a great family plan and I monitor the minutes used several times a week. If you look around I bet you'll find more people just like me and my family. Landlines soon may be obsolete.

   While I love my cellphone and love the convenience I know there's a time and a place for everything. I do refrain from conversing while in heavy traffic--well unless it's some really juicy gossip and then I keep it short. Last night I stopped by Taco Bell for a drink for me and my daughter. I was minding my way to the Drive-Thru when all of the sudden this beat up old Chevy Blazer came backing out of a parking spot at warp speed. The driver oblivious to the fact that there were other people operating motor vehicles around her. I threw on my brakes and looked at my daughter as I said, "what the h___?" Just then we saw it was a very young female driver with an odd growth on the side of her head, no, wait...that was just her cellphone. In conclusion teenagers should be limited to emergency calls only while driving. It will never happen, but a novel idea don't you think?

  Yes the teenager/cellphone combination scares the bejeezus out of me but not nearly as much as what I saw just a few days ago. A Senior citizen passed me, speeding so fast she was nearly on two wheels while making her turn. And much to my surprise she was on a cellphone. Now come on folks, there is a limit. My 83 year old Grandmother really shouldn't be allowed to operate her Little Rascal while using a cellphone let alone a CAR??? I know some older folks are a lot sharper than my Grandmother and others but, really is this a chance we're willing to take?

  Remember this guy? He was the big 'winner' back in Lake Placid, NY in 1980. Remember? The name is Eric Heiden and I had the biggest crush on him! He was uber-dreamy in my book. His success at the Olympics was nothing short of miraculous. Five times he stood atop the podium with a gold medal around his neck, a record that may never be duplicated. His athletic ability coupled with his good looks made him irresistable to me and many others I would guess. Or perhaps it was the 32 inch waist and 27 inch thighs that made him so delish? Either way he was the "stuff" back in the day. Did I mention he's now an orthopedic surgeon. *purr*

  Someone that has chased the dream of wearing Olympic gold has all but put away that dream. Michelle Kwan won't be competing in the Ladies short-program in figure skating tomorrow night. I for one must say it's sad to think of her not being there. We've been watching her since she was 13, an Olympic alternate and a little girl. I've always loved figure skating, and Miss Kwan is the epitome of grace and elegance in the sport. She holds 9 U.S. National championship titles and 5 World champion honors. She too will likely go in the history books but she will be missing the Olympic gold medal. Makes me wonder why some people have such a brief career like Heiden but so many accolades while the Michelle Kwan's of the world work tirelessly trying to win the gold but never do.

  I truly love the Olympics, summer and winter. I still get goose bumps when the National Athem is being played while the stars & stripes slowly ascend. But I do have a question for any of you other sports buffs...what is up with the sport of curling? Why are they still pushing that big thing down the ice while two others 'sweep' the ice? I just don't get it. I'm sure it takes talent--ok, I'm not so sure it takes talent but it takes something. In such a technologically advanced world in which we live is there really any need or desire for world-class curling athletes? I'm bound to offend someone with this but I remember several years back when there was controversy surrounding adding snowboarding to the Olympics, didn't anybody ask why we're still including such a seemingly passe' sport?

Ok I'll agree, she's young and probably under a lot of pressure being in the public eye, but, Britney don't do that stupid shit ever again. Yes I am talking about her driving with her 4 month old baby in her lap. I've read her side of the story; the paparazzi were hot on their heels and she was attempting to get away, blah blah blah. Give me a break. There in plain view of the now infamous photo is one of her bodyguards--let that overpaid fellow drive you out of harm's way while you put your son in his car seat.

Call me a prude but all I can see is her barely tapping the back end of a car and the airbag deploying, virtually decapitating the infant. Extreme? maybe. Possible? definitely. And I can't chalk it up to a young mother's mistake. I was a first time Mom at 21 but even a country bumkin devoid of a complete college education can see the potential for disaster in this situation. In a crisis like this, jump in the back seat holding the baby and let the bodyguard or your own Mother(yes Mommie Dearest was in tow) drive.

I must admit that my Mother and Father have both told me stories of what carseats used to be like. My own just 'hooked' over the front seat. There was no seatbelt securing it, in fact I'm not even sure mine had a fastener that held me in it. It might have just been a padded bar that pulled down over my belly. Ingenuity at it's best, huh? But we've learned from the past, haven't we? It's really a wonder that more of us weren't injured way back then. But now we know what can happen and all of us have been educated to the dangers and the preventative measures. So Brit, take heed--you might not get away with a little bad press next time. You could end up with criminal charges or a tragic, preventable accident.

I bet she even puts poor little Preston to sleep on his stomach. *rolling eyes*

   I am still trying to come to terms with my Mother's death. It's been 5 months now and while I have finally begin to erase the horrific images burned in my mind from her two week battle before dying, now I'm faced with a plethora of other issues.

  I've blogged about our relationship many times in the past. To say it was stressful would be a big understatement. In fact I don't even know how to classify it. But I catch myself thinking about what could have been. After an entry I posted several months back I got several comments urging to try and 'make things right' with her. And to an extent I did. But I was never fully able to come clean and tell her just how much turmoil she'd caused me. I could never bring myself to do that. Was that wrong? Should I have been honest, completely honest with her?

   I was conflicted for many reasons, the main being I know from my own experience at being a mother, the job was totally thankless and extremely taxing both physically and emotionally. I could not bring myself to tell my Mother how bad of a job she'd really done. And believe me she failed miserably. Don't get me wrong she was never physically abusive but the mind games were grueling. To say nothing of the fact that me and my middle sister virtually disappeared when our youngest sister was born. I never resented my youngest sister growing up, she was sick and I thought our household was normal. Today I find myself consumed with anger and resentment. And when I look in the mirror I see the person I am most angry at...why didn't I muster up the courage to tell my Mother how cheated I felt?

   There are so many layers to this story there's no way to touch on all of them. It's more work than I want to tackle and probably more than you, the reader, wants to know. But to use a cliche' I think maybe I'm looking for some closure. Some way to come to terms with the fact that my Mother let me down in many ways, and the fact that she's not here to manipulate me anymore. I loved my Mother as much as I could. There's not a day that goes by that I don't think about her and miss her. I do forgive her for everything...now if I could just find a way to forgive myself.

...IRON LUNG!

Yes, that's right an iron lung because I think both of mine are just about shot. I'm battling bronchitis right now and might be losing the battle. Well I am at work today, which is an improvement but feel like caca. Fifteen months ago when I had pneumonia I thought that was the sickest I'd ever been...this crap is giving the pneumonia a run for it's money.

I think I've finally the ability to edit my posts. It will be nice to have paragraphs again and not one big blob of a blog!

I am a little excited today, yes because it's Groundhog Day but also because you know what tonight is, right? SURVIVOR! Men against the women this go-round. Should be interesting, well for reality tv addicts like me anyhow.

I know I'm jumping, but did anyone else catch the movie Flight 93 Monday night on A&E? According to my Comcast homepage A&E had their biggest audience on record for it, 5.9 million (I think). The movie was a glimpse into what happened on the flight based on several phone conversations from the plane. My 14 yr. old son watched it with me and thought it was cool. Not cool like his skateboard tricks are, but cool to know what might have actually happened onboard. I read on Comcast it's going to be rebroadcast this weekend--so if you're not into the whole Super-Bowl thingy I'd recommend it. Also I think it's rebroadcast next Wed. I'd love to hear your feedback.

*cough*hack*cough*hack*

Ok I'm off for more cough syrup and inhalers. Hope you're having a good week