The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

I was blog surfing, reading many of the gifted writers in this community. While randomly reading**read nice way to say I can’t remember who’s blog I was reading**different posts and comments. The topic of Single sex vs. Married sex popped up. Although each situation has it’s own distinct problems the general consensus remained the same; Single people had less sex because finding a safe, potential partner is difficult, while married couples had sex less because of the tremendous stresses of managing a household, supporting a new family and full-time partner.

 Honestly both definitions are correct and while you’re in the given situation you think it’s worse than the other. Right? When I think back to the first few months of my relationship with my now husband, we were sickening to be around. Literally we could not keep our eyes or hands off each other. My single girlfriends would roll their eyes and make typical jealous single women type comments(don’t even try to deny it girls, been there done that). My married friends would roll their eyes too, but there wasn’t one ounce of jealousy in their eyes. No sir, all I saw there was a keen sense of “you’ll soon see how much of a fairytale it all is. A few of my single friends, well I suppose most of them, were happy for me. Secretly I know they wished it was them in my position. Happily every one of them, nearly 4 years later, are in happy relationships. I can’t describe the feeling of newly falling in love, knowing I couldn’t do the sensation justice. Couples who are just falling in love are really easy to spot. As I type this post I am reminded over and over again by the famous quote by Mark Twain:

Familiarity breeds contempt. How accurate that is. The reason we hold truth in such respect is because we have so little opportunity to get familiar with it.

Do married people become too familiar? I think yes. We become so caught up in the daily routine we become complacent with our spouses. But wait, single people have a lot of responsibilities too, wouldn’t they have it harder than married people given they have all the stress and no permanent love toy? Yes and no. When I was single I had children to take care of, a job and a household to run…by myself. PLUS I was doing all that while trying to find the love of my life. Can you guess where having sex was on the priority ladder?

 But now that I’m married I agree with all of the above, but take issue with anyone that thinks a brand new marriage, a new(larger) family, trying your best to be accept your new family member’s lives as well as trying to ease them into ours, on top of all the single woman’s life is a piece of cake, think again. Sex…you want WHAT, when? Ya you know what I’m talking about.

Ok so everyone’s right. Single people have it rough, married people have it rough. When you’re living each style of life it's worse. When in reality every life is tough. There’s nothing like being in love and there’s nothing as miserable as longing for love. Is there a happy medium? Perhaps only in those fairytales we were talking about. Now I’m reminded of the famous American proverb: The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. From this vantage point the single side’s is looking better and better, thank heavens my common sense tells me both sides of the grass are the very same color.

 Remembering...
© 2001 Jessica F., 3rd Grader, Academy Elementary School, Madison, Connecticut.

I had to go to my office this evening to finish up a bit of work I'd forgotten about Friday. Ahhh, the demands of a Church Secretary--sort of on call until after Sunday Morning services. As I drove up main street with the windows down I was taken back to 20-some years ago. A simpler time. During my teenaged life I probably rode up and down this 2 mile stretch of road no less than 10,000 times. The route was simple, you'd start at the South end of town, through 4 red lights and to the Drive-In on the North end of town. Small town U.S.A. at its finest. The Drive-In was something straight out of 'American Graffiti', multiple stereo's blarring, kids running from car to car, a place where car hoods were made for sitting on. This was a place to see and be seen. Tonight the stretch of roadway seemed more akin to a Ghost Town. Sad.

I came home and for the heck of it google'd my hometonw. Here's the first link I came to, a blog, believe it or not. The author of this entry is a host of a show on Turner South called 'Junkin'. Incidentially the author's sons play soccer with my son. I can honestly say, "I knew him when..." Take a look...
http://www.turnersouth.com/network/shows/junkin/ daves-scrapbook/article/0 " title="http://www.turnersouth.com/network/shows/junkin/ daves-scrapbook/article/0 " target="_blank"http://www.turnersouth.com/ne...,,4678,00.html
The Drive-In that Dave Bird speaks of in this post is directly across the Hwy. from my present home. It was a big deal when 'Junkin' filmed this episode here. The two youngest step-sons snuck in the Drive-In the first Spring we lived here...boys! Now we allow them to go on Sunday Night with the oldest acting as chaperone, his assistant is a cell phone that he uses to regularly report in with. Below is a the only site I could find that showed a pic of the place. It's the first one listed, and if you'll look closely you'll notice there's a playground too. Sunday night is 'carload night', in layman's terms that's two movies for a carload at the price of $6.00! I guess living in the sticks does have it's benefits!
http://www.driveinmovie.com/TN.htm" title="http://www.driveinmovie.com/TN.htm" target="_blank"http://www.driveinmovie.com/T...

I was searching for some other sites that offer a glimpse of or fair city. I came across this one, scroll to the bottom of the page to see the refurbished theatre that was once a major attraction. By the way the facade of the theatre is very simialar to the rest of the town.
http://www.gemplayers.com/TheGemTheater.htm" title="http://www.gemplayers.com/TheGemTheater.htm" target="_blank"http://www.gemplayers.com/The...
The road in front of the theatre is what I referred to earlier as 'main street', i.e. the cruising route.

In the center of town stands the L&N Depot, a historic building upon which this town was built around. I would dearly love to get my hands on some of the photographs in the depot museum. It's amazing to look at all the activity that once took place in this little place. Ironically the second photo on this site is the location of my first wedding. I'm thinking the Depot was built on some ancient taboo burial grounds.
http://www.telliquah.com/etowah.htm" title="http://www.telliquah.com/etowah.htm" target="_blank"http://www.telliquah.com/etow...

Although the after dark traffic in my hometown is greatly reduced I rediscovered tonight how rich in history this community is. The two links below describe "Starr Mountain." This is one of the small "mountain" ranges that surround Etowah. Though small in stature it more than makes up in historical facts. Make sure and look at the pictures, this is the place I call home :)
http://www.telliquah.com/Starr.htm" title="http://www.telliquah.com/Starr.htm" target="_blank"http://www.telliquah.com/Star...
http://home.chattanooga.net/" title="http://home.chattanooga.net/" target="_blank"http://home.chattanooga.net/~bjpetty/starmtn.html

While I miss the times gone by I have come to a new appreciation for home. I'd reccomend a night of 'goggling' to everyone! In fact if you're a faithful visitor I challenge you to post something similar, I'd love to see where the fingers I admire so lives.

I love hangin' out with girlfriends. There's just something different about us as a group.

I like the joking and laughter.

I'm glad I have girlfriends. Girlfriends that I can hop in my car, drive 10 minutes, and visit with.

I'm glad I have girlfriends that I log online to see and talk, laugh and sometimes cry with for hours.

Each one of them is different, but the same.

I cherish you all and am looking forward to many more good times. I hope you are too!

Do you have special girlfriends(friends for the guys)? If so, tell us about them :)

My name is Shannon, and I'm Co-dependent.

I've heard the term 'co-dependent' for years, until yesterday I had a misconstrued idea of what it meant. Thanks to Dr. Phil I not only know what it is, but know that I suffer from the condition.

This is an excellent link http://www.nmha.org/infoctr/f...

At the above site there is a list of co-dependent characteristics, the bulk of which describe me well. There is also a questionaire. Out of the 20 questions I answered 14 of them yes. While this is primarily a self-diagnosis I think it is a breakthrough. I am going to start down the road to recovery by finding myself a therapist specializing in the condition. If you take the time to visit the site I'd love some feed back. I'd also like to hear from anyone that suffers from co-dependency.

I've known for awhile I had some issues I couldn't seem to resolve. I hope this is the start of something good!

What a great bunch of comments regarding the last post! You guys really are awesome :)

Now...how I'd spend the money designated for charity:

1.) The American Cancer Society--Specifically I'd donate money to a Tennessee Chapter that sponsors a camp for cancer patients called "Camp Discovery." My youngest sister is a cancer survivor and attended this camp 3 times when she was young. The camp is completely free to children with cancer regardless of your ability to pay. The facility is fully staffed by medical personnel. All the counselors are nurses and there are several doctors there for the whole session. I'm not sure if these people donate their time or not, but I know they had a huge impact on my sister. A lot of them were staff at Vanderbilt University Hospital, where she had been a patient for so long. My sister holds so many special memories of this camp, in her own words, "Camp Discovery was the only place she'd ever felt completely normal." Many campers take daily chemotherapy treatments, not having hair is the norm, and being slower than most kids doesn't draw any attention. A truly magical place.

2.) St. Jude's Hosptial--Though I've never been to St. Judes, I know this is a place of miracales. This hospital turns no one away. They are pioneering cures and treatment for childhood cancer. Danny Thomas had a dream and I'd love to be able to make a large donation to it.

3.) My church--Fortunately there aren't many needs that our congregation can't meet. We just recently replaced 80 year old windows in our Educational Building to the tune of $65,000.00. So I'd like to set up something special such as an "Outreach Fund" to use for ministry within the community.

Those 3 are the ones that come to my mind at the moment. If I were ever lucky enough to hit the lottery I think just having the ability to give would be very satisfying. I think charity does begin at home, and have been overwhelmed by your response to this question. The main point of all of this is that while most of us are just hardworking people trying to make our way in this world, we can give a little. Remember the charities you've mentioned and know that the majority of their funds come from people like us, not lottery winners.

Thanks for all of your participation :)

You've just won lottery, Congratulations!

There is a catch to your windfall, you've got to donate one third of your winnings to a charitable organization. **It must be a reputable charity, not the likes of George Costanza's "The Human Fund"**

You will pocket a cool million, so $333,000.33 to your favorite charity.

Who gets the dough and why?

**The money can be split among various charities**

I bought myself some really bitchin' new sandals last week. I was looking for something to wear to my daughter's Class Night. I knew I was wearing a med. blue/white stripped seersucker suit I'd bought a few weeks earlier, but was in need of some shoes to go with it. Initially I'd planned on buying white unitl I saw them. Over in the corner of a clearance rack sat the cutest pair of blue sandals. I loved them the instant I saw them! They match the blue stripe in the suit to a tee. As much eye appeal as the sandals have they are the footwear from Hell. They slip on, with the agonizing thong strap between your first two toes. I never wore 'flip-flops' as a kid because of that strap. After about an hour in the shoes I walk as if both hips were dislocated.

I can't stand to have my feet touched, I'm pretty sure I elaborated this point when posting about the ingrown toenail situation. I hate pedicures, forget about seductive foot-rubs, and after 3 years my husband knows not even to touch my feet in the bed. This foot thing runs pretty deep as both my children can't even stand to look at feet. Does this have some sort of hidden meaning?

Other things that make my skin crawl:

1. Wet clothing--I can't stand wearing wet clothes. I avoid amusement park rides that involve water so as not to have to walk around in wet clothes. Forget about me frolicking in a rainstorm...it ain't gonna happen.

2. Being sweaty and dirty for any length of time--Granted this phobia is tested every Summer when our garden is ready to be harvested. I will dig in the dirt with the best of 'em, but I can promise you I won't be sitting around with little clods of dirt stuck to my skin for long.

3. Double-Jointed people--I should probably rephrase this to say 'double-jointed' people who display their freakishness. Both of my knee-caps have dislocated 4 times, for the lay person this is the equivalent of being hit in the shins with an aluminum baseball bat, and to see people bend their fingers in half or pop their shoulder blade to the other side drives me crazy!

4. Those who smack their lips, LOUD, as they eat--This is just a blantant disregard for good manners in my book. Anyone past the age of 2 that does this should be slapped.

5. People who blow their noses in restaurants--Elderly men seem to be the worst. My meal is ruined when this happens, I guess I just lived with a very anal-retentive Mother who didn't allow touching your nose around food, let alone blow it. How difficult is it to excuse yourself to the restroom?

6. People who decide to balance their checkbook in the check-out lane--Hello? I have to be at a P.T.A. meeting in 90 minutes and before I do that I have to cook dinner. Just another example of inconsideration.

7. All my food piled together--I don't eat one thing at a time, which seems to be pretty common. But I like for each item to have it's own place. And if I choose to put two different things on my fork at a time, ok. My husband eats waffles, fried eggs and bacon layered all together. This almost makes me hurt...did I mention my anal-retentive upbringing?

That's the short list. The idea for this post came to me as I was driving home in the instruments of death(new sandals) this afternoon. Are there any things that REALLY make you go EEK?

I'm right here, see it really is me...

I suppose when I don't make a lot of noise it's easy to miss me standing there...

I hated being picked last in gym class, I was intentionally not seen then...

Sometimes I think I must be transparent. Ah, the Invisible Woman...I could learn to like that...I think.

There's no way to make you notice me, no really mature way. A strike, I could go on strike from everything, that would teach them, hmp! That doesn't really fix things, does it?

Tonight I feel like the beets on the Salad Bar of Life. The beets are always there, but not many people eat them. A few of the older folks might take a few, but you'll never see it piled up like a good potato salad would be. I am the beet.

The next time you're at the Salad Bar give the beets a kind glance, they know they aren't going to be picked that often, but they have their own role to play :)

Today has been a cathartic day for me. I slept in, had lunch with my newly 'grown up' daughter and have now began the task of cleaning my bedroom. I've been listening to LaunchCast Radio on Yahoo for the last couple of hours. Loud, really loud. My daughter would occasionally come out of her room and roll her eyes at me. I've been transformed back to a time when I had no worries about bills, posting bail for a kid, my crows-feet or anything else. It's like I'm 12 years old again, sitting in my bedroom listening to MY music.

Usually when I crank up "Big Hits of The 70's" I am met with laughter and ridicule. Not today. Today I listen and sing at the top of my lungs not caring who hears. I'm amazed that I remember every word to 'Crocodile Rock' and 'If I Were Your Woman'. I noticed that songs that I detested back then, today I sing with all the feeling I can muster. I have an uncanny ability to remember song lyrics it seems. This weekend the man and I watched 'Shallow Hal'...again. I absolutely love that soundtrack, my favorite song is "(Love Grows)where My Rosemary Goes" I sing every word of it. He asked me how I could remember all the words, and honestly I don't know. I did a little research on the song and found out it was in the Top 5 of 1970. 1970...I was five years old. But I remember that song, obviously. My parents tell me how I sung almost before I could talk. If Jeopardy would devote an entire show to music lyrics 1970-present, I think I could give Ken Jennings a run for his money.

Yes, this is a good day. As me and J. ate lunch it was very strange, just the two of us. We haven't done this in ages. Midway through my sandwich a large lump formed in the back of my throat and my eyes swelled with tears. It was just me and her, just us, like it was when she was a little girl. How can I ever let this creature go? How will she ever know how much I love her? I want her to grow and live but a part of me, a very selfish part, never wants her to be too far from my side. Today we were more like girlfriends than Mom and kid. I think I'm going to like this new relationship.

Back to cleaning...'Macarthur Park' plays, I still wonder why they left the cake out in the rain?

I worked around advertisers once, they were a different kind of people. I think back on that group of people often. Usually when I watching television commercials. Ya know, there are just certain products that I'd rather not see advertisements for. Below are a few examples...

• Feminine Hygiene Products-When I was a teenaged girl before I could 'car date' my boyfriends would have to come to my house to watch TV. That meant everyone in the living room because that's where the only television in the house was. My insides would quiver from the moment we sat down, fear building up that at any moment the young man and myself would be subjected to Cathy Rigby, spread-eagle on the balance beam as she narrated her need for extra, discreet protection. I'd want to crawl in under the sofa and DIE! I wondered if the people that made Stayfree Maxi Pads knew how difficult those commercials were to watch with a potential new boyfriend while your demonic sister snickered and pointed at the TV. To this day I don't want to see vials of blue liquid poured down the center of a pad to show it's absorbency. Using these products are pretty simple, we really don't need elaborate television commercials touting the "wings" donned in adhesive tape to hold them on!


• Laxative Commercials-Constipation is not a pleasant problem, for anyone. But who wants to hear about it as you sit down with a big bowl of popcorn prepared to watch Survivor? Especially the Milk of Magnesia couple, you know she corners him at the restaurant and tells him he should reconsider his order since he's been a little irregular lately. WHY IS THIS ON TV??? I don't really give a rat's ass how irregular he is, constipation along with using a maxi pad is pretty self explanatory. And honestly if a person's had some problems with the intestinal plumbing for a few days, my guess is they're not searching for the product that has the bickering couple selling it. No they want relief, any frickin way they can get it.


• Viagra or Levitra Commercials-Here we have late middle-aged couples frolicking along the beach, sidewalks and parks basically groping one another. If you're gettin action, more power to ya. But it's the confessionals that get me, "Until Jim talked to his Dr. about Viagra we thought our intimacy level was gone. Viagra has brought new life into our marriage and our bedroom!" ICK...DOUBLE ICK. Like I said before if you're gettin it on a regular basis, kudos. But folks I don't want to see Nick and Jessica boasting about how high his libido is or how long his erections last. It's a personal thing, a thing I'm sure would get just as much promotion by word of mouth!

These are just a few that bother or embarrass me, can you think of anymore?

After my divorce I became sort of a recluse, like many other divorced women I would imagine. It's hard for me to describe the emotions I was feeling at that time. But one I wasn't experiencing was the desire for sex. In fact my libido was nil. I was so hurt and angry the last thing I wanted to deal with was a man. I focused on my children and my health. I wasn't happy because I wasn't coming to terms with any of those emotions but I was busy. Peace and closure would come, but later down the road.

I didn't date for well over a year, not one single date. Finally almost 2 years after my divorce I had a date arranged by dear friends. One of many "dates from Hell" to come. I loved all my friends, my married friends, but I became their goodwill project and their main goal was to keep my social calendar full. I spent another year going on some of the most mind-numbing dates you can imagine. I was also internet "dating" that loser I ended up marrying(if you missed that story I can find the post.) I was having one night stands at that time, but they were always with the same person, ME! I used to joke with my friends as to how I will act when I'm not the only one in the room having an orgasm during sex! I have to admit I was pretty satisfied during this time, but deep down inside I was yearning for a man's touch.

A year later I hooked up with an old school friend. She'd divorced about the same time I had and oddly enough had been living about the same type life. After a few months of having weekly "Margarita Nights" with the girls we decided we venture out to a club. I was nervous but ready to get out of the house. Had I been looking for a one night stand I would have had no trouble getting one. The fact is, I was out of my league, scared to death. However, each night we went out after that first one things became a lot more easy and familiar. I began to exchange lingering glances with handsome men, smiling more, and other flirting behavior. I was having fun and becoming less and less afraid.

In this day I was gravely afraid of disease, so after a particular interesting night out with the girls I decided that I may be tempted to have one of these one night stands, so I'd better look out for myself. I went to the pharmacy and bought my own supply of condoms. If the opportunity knocks, I wanted to be prepared. Ironically the box of condoms sat in a little box on my dresser, unopened, for many more months. Finally one Friday night I met a man that made me a little more than curious. He asked to take me home, Single Girl Rule #1 was we came in a group we left in a group. I gave him my phone number and he said he'd give me a call. He didn't say he'd call and plan a date, he just said he'd call. That pretty much let me know this was not a "date" type situation. And oddly enough that was ok with me. I'll just be honest, I had been without sex for over 2 years, and I did have needs.

I'm not particularly proud of my "booty call" but I can't really say I'm ashamed of it either. We were both adults and both of us made it clear that we did not see a relationship between us, but there was definitely sexual chemistry. That was my first sexual experience since divorcing and it proved both enjoyable and liberating. It was months until I ever considered sex like that again, and that turned into a sweet affair. I wish I had been strong enough to abstain until I met my husband, but I wasn't. Morally I know abstaining would have been the right choice, but my God knows I am far from perfect and while I prayed for forgiveness I also prayed for acceptance. Acceptance to the fact that I am a flawed human, not always in control of her desires.

It's hard for me to believe that such a large number of women have one night stands regularly. How could it do anything but leave you feeling used and empty? Of course it doesn't leave men feeling that way, they are fixated on the moment and their pleasure. But women tend to invest too much emotional stock in the one night stand. I don't think women who have one night stands are whores, I think women who have one night stands 7 nights a week probably are. And as far as regret goes, for me personally, I regretted the fact that there wasn't more than just a sexual chemistry there.

Any more thoughts?

Astounding Fact About One-Night Stands--From http://home.netscape.com/

Sit down. This number may astound you. Almost two-thirds of all women have had a one-night stand, according to a Cosmopolitan magazine survey. While this is typically a once-in-a-lifetime event (OK, maybe twice) for most women, 30 percent of women have once-night stands as frequently as once or twice a month. Just 1 percent claim to have them almost every weekend.

But here's the really sad gotcha: Fully 62 percent of women who have a one-night sexual encounter with a man regret it later. Men, on the other hand, rarely have qualms about it, according to the Cosmo survey. In fact, just under half of the men polled say sex with no strings attached is better than sex in a committed relationship and 49 percent say they would never regret it.

If women just end up regretting that one-night stand, why do they give in? Cosmopolitan cited these as the most common reasons: alcohol, recovering from a breakup, and good chemistry. Finally, there was the all-too-common "why not?" reason that probably leads to the greatest regret.

Women are nothing if not optimistic. Almost half hoped the one-night stand would lead to a real relationship, but most were disappointed.

The World's No. 1 Pick-Up Line Is...

..."You have beautiful eyes."

Any thoughts?

My middle sister and I never really got along. She was stick thin growing up and I heard the phrase, "Shannon you can't hit L. because you're so much bigger than her and you'll hurt her," no less than a thousand times--for the record I was average, slightly chubby kid, she just looked like she had a good case of rickets. I've told both my parents if they'd once let me just beat the shit out of her we'd probably have a healthy relationship today.

L. and I were like oil and water--we just didn't mix. She loved to belittle me at every opportunity, and I, per parental instructions, would just have to take it. My Mother would say, "Just ignore her. She's just trying to aggravate you." My sister was a master at aggravating me. I would secretly pray she'd contract salmonella and vomit for days on end. She hated vomitting, she contracted a stomach flu one Christmas, threw up, stomped her feet in anger and vowed she'd never do it again. To my knowledge she's made good on that promise.

L. was also evil, she played pranks on me all the time. One of her favorites was when I would have to do laundy(God forbid, frail L. ever had to do laundry, that's Shannon the Ox's job) which would entail taking the clothes down to the basement. The basement in our 100+ year old house was a harrowing experience. The wooden staircase was one of those winding, "S" type's. The entry way was not lit and it took some  finesse to walk down the steps while carrying the laundry. L. would wait until I was on step #4,  shut the lights off and slam the door. I can still hear her skinny ass laughing on the other side of the door.

One Saturday she'd really been in high gear, I knew I was gonna have the old 'lights out in the basement' trick played when I had to do the wash. I had devised a plan! Once and for all I'd pay her back. I gathered up the clothes and announced I was off to start the washer. Out of the corner of my eye I saw her deer-like body jump behind the kitchen door. "Idiot" I thought to myself. I started down the basement steps, as if it were mechanically planned as soon as my foot hit the fourth step off went the light and the door slammed. Carefully I sat the clothes basket down, then I began to beat the steps as I slowly crept back up the stairway. "L., L., Oh my God, I'm falling(still beating the steps), L. please, please help me..."

The door flew open and there I stood, stone faced, eye to eye with the diminutive demon. She screamed bloody murder while her body was temporarily frozen. She'd naturally expected to see me lying on the steps, but no, I was standing there unharmed. I managed to grab her long blonde hair before she could get away. I threw her on the floor and sat on her stomach(amazingly enough my massive body weight didn't injure her) and said, "So help me God if you ever turn that light out again, I'll beat you bloody." I got up and went back to the laundry.

She never did it again. I think she pee'd in her pants when she saw me standing there, but she denies that. I figure I must have been about 14 and she 12 when this happened. I didn't get in any trouble from my parents, in fact they thought it was pretty funny. Scare tactics go a long way for fat kid!

It's that time of year again...

When Spring comes and the school year comes to an end. I've always despised April and May because we're so sick and tired of the school-year routine. Motivating the children is downright impossible. The school system is not helping this year either, they collected the textbooks LAST week! So that means two weeks of doing virtually nothing. It's hard to encourage kids to get up in the morning when I know they're going to be bored to death once they get to school.

I try to tell them that in the "grown-up real world" there are no Summer breaks. Your job doesn't end in the Spring. While the reasoning sounds good in my head, as I'm saying it I know it's sounds pretty stupid, because I'm just as sick of it as they are. I'm tired of getting 5 of them up in the morning, I'm tired of making sure homework is done, I'm tired of having to deal with last minute assignments(note, it's the kids waiting 'til the last minute to do them).

We've simply ran out of gas. The drive and determination isn't there anymore. We're all just so ready for it to be over with. I really don't understand because it is a different scenario for those working 8-5 each day. We all get used to doing it, so why is this so much different? I can see the handwriting on the wall, I am going to be one miserable empty-nester! For all the stress and chaos right now I am sure when Spring comes years down the road I'm going to long for the busy household and the kids. Much like I yearn for them to be toddlers again. Why is it we can't just appreciate the time when we have it?

Watching "Gone With The Wind" was a ritual in my house growing up. I remember the entire family sitting down to watch the epic. Both my parents were avid readers and big fans of Margaret Mitchell. Even though I watched the movie over and over, year after year, I never fully appreciated the magnitude of it. This weekend due to a lack of anything else to watch on television I watched it again. To say this film was ahead of it’s time would be an understatement.

I wanted to be Scarlet O’Hara when I was a girl. Not because she was a shrewd, strong and intelligent woman, but because she was breathtakingly beautiful. I wanted to be Scarlet sitting in the yard of Twelve Oaks with a bevy of young men surrounding her practically begging for a little attention. What young woman wouldn’t want that?

As I watched the movie this weekend I drank in every line, dialogue I’d been listening to the better part of my life. But never had it had such an impact on me. This weekend I wanted to be Scarlet because of her strength and determination, not her beauty. But I was torn. Part of me wanted to be Melanie, the epitome of feminine grace and beauty. Melanie saw the beauty in everyone. She also saw Scarlet for who she was, something most of the people in Atlanta were incapable of seeing.

As a Southern woman I strive to be a balanced mix of Scarlet and Melanie. In fact I think women globally try to be that combination. I want to be strong and independent but I also want to be caring and considerate. That mix of traits would be the perfect woman, I think. While Scarlet stepped on a good many people in her quest to get what she wanted I think her intentions were good. When the going got tough she definitely swung into high gear.

With all the things Scarlet had in her life, the one thing she never had was the man she’d loved for years. He belonged to Melanie, and rightly so. Scarlet would have never been happy with Ashley Wilkes, and I believe it was Rhett that told her that. Yet she could never let him go. For all her determination and cunning ways she could never have what she wanted so badly. Sound familiar? Sometimes it does to me.

I think I’ll be satisfied with a little bit of Scarlet in me and continue to work on a little bit of Melanie. I’ve seen hard times and I’ve lived through them. I’ve been without food and money and I’ve managed to survive. I’ve lost most every material possession I owned, and I think I’m better for it. Margaret Mitchell was a woman of insight, she created a cast of characters that I feel all of us can identify with and strive to be more like.

As God is my witness, as God is my witness they're not going to lick me. I'm going to live through this and when it's all over, I'll never be hungry again. No, nor any of my folk. If I have to lie, steal, cheat or kill. As God is my witness, I'll never be hungry again.
~Scarlet O’Hara

...I stood in my Columbia blue cap and gown while singing my High School Alma Mater. Today I tried to think back on that day. I know it was cloudy, but not raining. I remember the dress I wore, it was white linen with purple flowers embroderied on it. It was the sundress variety that was very popular back in '83. I don't remember any of the speeches. I know who gave them but that's about it. I do remember walking across the stage and getting my diploma. But other than that I was counting down the hours until we left for Florida!

I still have to question where our parent's minds were to allow us to make that trip. Twenty-four of my closest friends and I sat out for Daytona Beach, alone. I had $600 in my purse to spend as I saw fit, which translated into alcohol, cigarettes, and suntan oil! I'm happy to say I got my fill of all three :) It was a wonderful trip. There isn't a chance in hell that I'd let my daughter take off on a trip like that when she graduates next Friday night! I know it's a different time, but I honestly just don't feel like she's ready to make a trip like that.

It doesn't seem possible that it's been 22 years. There are so many things I remember so well. I remember my attitude and my goals. It's bittersweet to compare those to where I am now. I am not disappointed at all. And there's no way in Hell I'd go back and do it again. I'm wondering, would you?

Do you ever wanna just feel "special"?

Do we need someone else to make us feel special?

Should I rely on someone else to recognize that I'm feeling particularly down, needing to hear what makes me "special" and loved?

I just want to be at the top of the list for a little while.

I need to stop whining now, don't I?

Just wondering aloud :)

It's been one of those kinds of days...Needing to vent and felt like this might be a good way to do that!

 Dear Senior Citizen,

   While I appreciate the fact that you've lived to see your Golden Years, I can't accept the fact that you feel like you don't have to follow common courtesy guidelines anymore. Yes, that was me behind you today at the gas station. I was in the blue van, pulled up behind you at the gas pumps. Remember there were 3 pumps, and you parked your big white 1998 Grand Marquis right smack dab in the middle of all 3 pumps. Making it impossible for everyone else to gain access to any of the 3. There were two cars trying in vain to get to the other ones. Instead of offering to move you just went about your business. And speaking of that business, we realize your dexterity isn't what it once was, but we all know you can move quicker than that, we've seen you at the buffet line! Now that you've finished pumping your gas, you're gonna pay, right? Ooooh no there he goes trying to fleck the bird doo off the trunk of the car, oops and now he's having to readjust his "package", oh and I knew it was coming, he's dragging out the old handkerchief, we're gearing up for a good nose blowin'. Yep and he's off! Ok I think you've finished all your tasks now can you please go in and pay so we might get our gas? And may we suggest you pay for your gas first, then move your car if you'd like to return to the store to have a cup of coffee with the boys or to flirt with the cashiers? We all want you to know that we appreciate your contribution to our society, but honestly we just want to get our gas. We have soccer practice in 20 minutes and a half-gallon of ice cream melting in the back. For all your life experiences, you seem very unaware with the practice of common courtesy.

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;          Finaly Free

And the next victim....

Dear Cute Cashier,

   We all know how traumatic the life of a 17 year old can be. I mean having to go to Prom's in $400 dresses, getting that new car for graduation, the tedious task of trying to tan and have your teeth bleached at the same time. I know your pain. It's really a bitch when I have to have 2 kids on different ends of the county in a 30 minute time span. Whew! How do we do it? And I can see you're due a fill-in on the nails, oops and possibly a pedicure too? You poor thing. How do you survive? I'll tell you how you survive, Mommy and Daddy foot the bills for all your little trinkets! After working a back breaking 14 hours a week I know you have to use your money for bellybutton studs and maybe a purse. Guess it doesn't seem fair huh? Well sister, let me tell you what's not fair. You and your pissy attitude man-handling my mangos. Do you think I want that fruit pureed? NO! And that round red thing you mistakenly rang up as a radish is atually a beet. Hello? And that $15 sirloin tip roast you back handed down the line is dinner for 7 and atleast 2 lunches the next day. Let's show it a little respect, ok? Just get me checked out and let me settle up my bill and we'll be gone. Then you can go back to your non-stop pity party about Jason calling you fat. *ahem* Just a little advice from a wise old woman, "If Jason thinks your perfectly proportionted, thin frame is fat, run--don't walk--run from this boy and never give him the time of day again. You've got "co-dependent" stamped on your forehead, stop it now before it's too late.

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;          FinalyFree

And finally saving the best for last....

Dear Mother & Sister,

    Mother I am so glad you're home and feeling better. None of us realize how important you are until something like this happens. You know better than anyone how hectic my life is on a daily basis, but I don't mind rearranging my plans to help you out. When you called and mentioned wanting to go to Florida with me and Tim, I said "NO" because I thought you were joking. Now I hear you weren't. I'm sorry. I'm half way sorry. I really, really, need some time with my husband. I know you and Laurie wouldn't be any trouble, but I do think you'd be bored very fast. We don't do tourist things, we basically lay on the beach. I know you'd like for Laurie to have a vacation, but I am your child too. A child that also has a lot of medical problems just as she does. And I need a break. If you came with us I'd feel compelled to entertain, and don't dispute that because you raised me that way. And to be quite honest, I need some long overdue "close" time with my husband. We have to make love like a couple of mute people with all the children around. I want to be able to make noise and not get ribbed about it the next morning. Please don't think of me badly. It's just been a particularly hard year for me, and you know that. I just need some time away and some time to fall back in love with my husband. And if you could, I'd appreciate it if you kept the guilt at a minimum. I love you both!

    & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         & nbsp;   &n bsp;   &nb sp;   &nbs p;     ;         FinalyFree

Doesn't this just beat all!!! I mean never in my wildest dreams did I see this coming. Renee Zellweger is one of my all time favorite actresses ever! Tremendous Oscar winning actress! I watch Bridget Jones' Diary on a regular basis. I think the spunky Texan does a decent job on the Brit accent. I love all the characters in that movie. I thought she was amazing in Chicago, and Cold Mountain. I've always thought she was a little goofy looking, cute; in that pixxy kind of way. I guess you could just say I like her. Period.

Kenny on the other hand, now granted he's a local boy that finally made it big. I'll give him that. I just wished it would have been with some other genere besides Country music. Renee has given us Oscar worthy performances while Kenny(a talented guy) has given us....

She thinks my tractor's sexy
It really turns her on
She's always staring at me
While I'm chuggin along
She likes the way it's pullin' while I'm tillin' up the land
She's even kind of crazy 'bout my farmer's tan
She's the only one who really understands what gets me
She thinks my tractor's sexy

Just makes me wonder, hmmmm. Something else that bothers me is Kenny's striking resemblance to...





Coincidence? I'm wondering.

Anyhoo congrats to the lucky couple, here's to years of happiness, great films, country songs that make virtually no sense and all that jazz! HEY maybe he'll bring her to Knoxville for a UT game! woo that would be good. Just as long as he doesn't decide to wanna test the "acting" waters *shiver* I'm not sure a script could be built around his tight assed Levi's! LOL

First and foremost I hope that ALL the Mother's out there had a wonderful Mother's Day! I have been rather busy this weekend, my own Mother was hospitalized again on Saturday evening. She has pneumonia. While this is not good news I honestly think this has been her problem for several weeks now. So much for so called "good" doctors! (Don't even get me started on that one!) I'm happy to report that while she's doing much better, getting stronger every day, she's still in the hospital. We're hoping she'll get to come home tomorrow. So most of my time has been geared toward my family, my sister and finally today toward myself.

Now...on to the last post! After careful consideration I'm proud to announce that you're all a bunch of SICKOS! lol j/k Thanks to all the many faithful that take a little time to come by and venture a guess and to make me laugh :) OK, with that said I'm happy to say that...
ALTRICIAL is the winner of the 500 tBUCKS for the most original guess as to why I was at the police station! Congrats alt, you've outdone yourself this time! If you can't use the tBUCKS please feel free to forward them on to someone who can!

And the winner of the 'closest to the REAL reason' is....CRIMSONSTORM! While he wasn't completely accurate he did guess that the whole incident had something to do with one of the spawns of Satan, and he was right. Here's what really happened...

On Thursday night just as we were sitting down to dinner, the phone rang. On the other line was one of our local police officers. He managed to get my name correct, or should I say the name my home phone is listed under. After my divorce I put my phone in my maiden name and have never changed it. Anyhoo he asks if there's a child here by a particular name, he gets my son's last name correct but not the first name. I tell him what my son's name is and he proceeds to tell me that a VERY obscene phone call was placed from my home. And that he needed me to bring my son down to the station to meet with him and the girl and her parents to whom the message was left for. I immediately questioned what the call said, he refused to repeat it over the phone. I told him that if my son has done something like that I'd like to have some idea as to what I was facing, all he would say was that the language was horrible. It was then the wheels started to turn in my head, "my son is certainly capable of calling someone and making a prank call, but for him to use horrible language would be a bit surprising." I asked if he was sure it was Jacob. He said all he knew was it came from my house and it was a boy's voice. I told him I had 3 step-sons living here as well and he suggested we bring them all. I hung up the phone and began to question the guys. I knew the girl's first name and after a little explanation I realized she was a girl that calls my house at all hours of the day and night on her OWN cell phone. "Hmmmm." I'm not ready to excuse any of my boys behavior but I am starting to wonder. At this point I realize I'm probably gonna miss Survivor which did not help improve my mood. Before we left the house my youngest step-son confessed that he is the one that had left the message, ironically he couldn't remember 'exactly' what he'd said. My son confessed that he was on the extra phone and heard the conversation but didn't say anything. At the designated time we left for the station, when we arrived the girl's mother was sitting in the lobby. We introduced ourselves and she told Tim and I that it was her mother's cell phone that the message was left on and it was the grandmother who'd contacted the police. She explained that she didn't like the language but her mother worked at a local convenience store and was on a first name basis with the officers. The bottom line is the phone call is what I'd call distasteful, not obscene. The step-son was the one doing the talking, while I could recognize my son laughing in the background. The officer told them that they could have been in big trouble had charges been filed for harassment. Great! Scared the shit out of both of them, a good thing. We apologized all over ourselves but as I was leaving I brought up the point that I had the girl's number currently on my caller ID and I'd appreciate it if she wasn't allowed to call my house again. Not excusing my boys from what they did, but this particular girl is relentless with a phone in her hand. The two of them have earned the nickname "convict" in our house now, they are grounded indefinitely from anything that could possibly be considered fun and they have additional chores added to their daily list.

Here's where I'd like your input. Now that you know the details what are your thoughts on punishment? Tim and I decided that my son was guilty by association, while he is being punished his sentence is likely to be less than the other participant. Does that seem fair? I'd love to hear any suggestions or advice.

Last night I spent the evening in our local Police Department.

I'm offering 500 tbucks to who ever comes up with the most entertaining and original explanation for the reason I was there.

Also...

Another 500 tbucks to the person that guesses closest to the real reason I was there! **disclaimer** a couple of my buddies caught me online after the fact and know the true story, you all don't qualify, lol. Besides, I know you don't need the buckaroo's anyhow. In fact, who does need tbucks?

Ok the challenge has been issued, hit me with your best shot!

I was having a conversation with one of Food Bank volunteers this morning when the topic of infidelity came up. Actually a person's name was mentioned, someone we both knew. This man had an affair many years ago with a married woman. He left his wife and children because of it. The volunteer had worked with the man and I had worked with his ex-wife at my first job. So naturally there was a little different perspective from each of us.

The gentleman I was having the conversation with is someone I've known all my life. I have great respect for him and know he feels the same way about me. In many ways he still treats me like a little girl. He's my Father's age and I see him much like a Father figure. In the last 4 years we've had many entertaining talks, but none left me quite as angry/upset as I was today. In the process of discussing the couple mentioned earlier he told he completely understood why the husband cheated, stating he'd been in their house and knew she was a "bad wife." I didn't bother to put in my two-cents worth on that fact, but I did say, with conviction, that being a "bad wife" was not grounds to have an affair and tear several innocent people's lives apart. He stood by his view, not waivering at all.

I kept telling myself, this man is of another generation. He holds different values, values that until today I felt were much more rigid than my own. As I was driving home I kept playing the conversation over and over in my head. I wish I'd said in reply to his observance of the wife being of the "bad" variety, "When we take our wedding vows we don't promise to love one another as long as they meet OUR standards of what a good husband/wife should be." In a perfect world wedding vows would reflect a commitment to love someone forever, unconditionally. I realize we do not live in a perfect world, people and circumstances change.

I've made no secret to the fact that I have been the "betrayed wife" I know firsthand how it feels. I also know that I was not a perfect wife, by anyone's standards. But is that honestly justification for my ex-husband's actions? No. There is no such thing as the perfect wife, husband or marriage. We all enter into this sacred union hoping for the best and often times getting the worst. In my own opinion there is NEVER an excuse to cheat on your spouse. If you are a victim of abuse, get out. It may not be easy, but your spouse more than likely works or sleeps a few hours a day, take that time to leave. In this tiny rural community I live in there is a safe-house, that gives me hope that most every community is trying to accomodate victims of abusive relationships. If your spouse is not satisfying you emotionally or sexually, talk to them. Go to therapy, seek counseling from someone. Truly loving a person is the best reason to work diligently on a marriage. If you simply are not in love with your spouse, don't want to be married to him/her, or have met someone you just can't live without...leave. By leaving the situation you're still going to hurt your partner but you will atleast leave a little of their dignity and self-esteem intact.

I am not in any way trying to appear judgemental. I'm simply speaking as a third party participant of infidelity. I think my friend this morning was dead wrong, regardless of his age or generation. I cannot think of one valid excuse for cheating. If you do see me as narrow-minded, please feel free to tell me so. Honestly do you think there is an excuse for this kind of behavior?

Believe it or not...

The man and I purchased a new car a month ago. I kept watching the mail for the new registration so I could buy the tags. I mentioned this to my husband yesterday and he said that the dealership was supposed to get them for us. He remembered them telling us something to that effect, I didn't. We gave them a call and they said they did in fact have them. Good, easy enough, huh?

He just called me to tell me he'd picked them up. You're not going to believe what number/letter combination my new Ford Explorer will be bearing...

SCK-469

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? lol Just a random license plate that essentially says "Suck For Sixty Nine!" Now being a man, he thought it was a riot. But I was quick to point out...I WORK AT A CHURCH!!! I figure most people won't give it a second glance, but heaven forbid the ones that do. I asked him to please go back and check about getting a replacement. I have an idea he won't go today, it's pretty funny to him.

Have you ever gotten a run of the mill license plate that read like one that belonged to a perv? lol Or just anything funny?

My daughter bought my Mother's Day gift this weekend, I'm not really sure why. She's extremely thoughtful when it comes to gifts, much like her Mother and Grandmother. Not to say any of the three of us are better gift-givers than others, just saying that all of us put a lot of thought into the gifts.

When she gave me the gift I knew immediately what it was...the gift bag was the familiar green & white with the Bath and Body Works logo on the front. Inside was a darling white basket lined with a beautiful green, white, coral stripped scarf and an assortment of cucumber-melon tolietries--my favorite scent. After I opened it she said, "I got that for you because you never buy this for yourself anymore." She's right I don't.

Tonight I decided to treat myself to long, hot bath complete with a head to toe loofa scrub. The smell of the familiar cucumber/melon goodies made me smile. This was my signature scent since 1998. I found it in San Diego as a "trial" fragrance. The salesgirl told me they were trying it out on the West coast to determine how well it was received. I fell in love with it immediately. I was refreshed and smelling borderline edible.

As I was slathering myself with the Body Cream I thought, "why don't I do this everynight like I used to?" Most nights it's all I can do to muster the energy to get my shower and put on some Nivea on my freshly shaven legs. I was taken back to the many years as a single woman. Every single night, without fail, I would pamper myself. I used various fruit variations of B&B body lotions and shower gels. It seemed normal at the time, but tonight I thought about the fact that I crawled into bed everynight as a single woman smelling heavenly as opposed to my nightly ritual as a married woman.

When I was single I never left the house without my "war paint" i.e. make-up. My married sister would always give me a hard time about it, one day I explained my behavior by saying, "at this age I have a better chance of being hit by a train than I do of remarrying. This is simply a little extra effort, as you never know when you may meet Mr. Right." She rolled her eyes at that statement, much like I did tonight when I thought back about saying it. Why is it when we're on the market, so to speak, do we make the product so much more appealing?

Of course the answer is because we are marketing ourselves. We put much more effort into maintenance and upkeep. I've heard the worn out stereotype of "after marriage a woman let's herself go" more times that I like to recount. But the truth of the matter is both men and women put a lot less effort into making themselves appealing to the eye, and in the case of my moisturizing routine, to the touch. I remember a time when my husband was always clean shaven, smelled wonderful, and never in my presence passed gas. Ah, how time and familiarity change things, huh?

I also realized tonight that while I am far more exhausted than before having a family of seven, I owe it to myself to smell wonderful and have dewy-soft skin on a regular basis. I know my husband would like it and it may even give him a little incentive to do the same every once and awhile. Just because we've settled into a routine doesn't mean we can't still try and impress one another, does it?