The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

Do you think it's possible to be jealous of an inanimate object? Hell yes it is! Pardon my language but I am furious with my husband. Most of you are probably used to me singing his praises and telling you how lucky I am to have found him. But today I found out he's a lug head! Since we've been together we've pretty much refurnished our home with "our" stuff. Very few leftovers from our other marriages. About 3 months ago the man comes home and announces he's replacing all our appliances with the "almost new" ones his ex-wife bought a few months before she decided she didn't want to be a wife and mother. I'll admit at first I didn't want the things. Granted they were light-years better than what we had, but you know, they were hers. In my slight protest the man brought to light that I shouldn't be jealous of the appliances, that they'd just been sitting in a storage building. Ok, good point, I'll be the bigger person. And alright they are quality items. And I'm 10 times the cook she'll ever be, so I got over it. But today I was dealt a blow that I'm still not over. Since I've been ill I haven't been able to do a fourth of the things I think I should be doing. I've tried to keep the stress about this at bay but sometimes my obsessive/compulsive inner self just runs amok. While the hubby and I were talking I casually mentioned that I'd like for him to bring the Christmas tree upstairs and I'd work on putting it together a few minutes everyday. He knows how important my Christmas tree and decorating is to me. I assured him I would not overdo, and I'd really pace myself. He was so kind and compassionate, telling me that I just needed to give it a week or so. I argued, "I promise I'll just get the tree up then I'll put a few ornaments a day on it. I won't go crazy and make myself sicker." And then he told me...

When he'd moved the garage he'd "accidentally" thrown the pole to my beautiful, bought after Christmas, $300 reduced 50%, tree pole away. I cried. I could NOT believe it. This will be my 3rd Christmas with him, each year he would just gawk at the joy I took putting up that gorgeous tree. And each year there would be some snide remark about how much my ex husband must have loved it. When in truth my ex husband never gave a rat's ass about it. Like I said I found the tree after Christmas about 8 years ago at a high end dept. store. It was 7 ft. tall. Big lush, full branches that was almost 5 feet in diameter at the bottom. It was the kind of tree  you saw on display in windows. I decorated it in silver, gold and white. I love snowflake ornaments and I have them in every description. That tree was me. It wasn't a symbol of anything but me.

My husband is not a cruel man, in fact he's one of the most kind hearted people I've ever met. That's what makes me wonder what went through his mind when he picked up that crucial element of my Christmas tree and threw it away? What was he thinking. Or was it just a mistake? He told me he bent it and instead of telling me then it went with a load to the landfill. He did apologize but he didn't really seem sorry. He told me I deserved a new tree. I deserve alot of new things, but I didn't want a new tree. So now I am faced with the task of replacing the tree. He and the kids want a real tree. I know that's the choice of alot of folks, but I'll be the first to admit I have so much to do and a house full of lazy kids, I can see a real one withering within of days  of coming in here. And I am petrified of fire. In light of all I've been through recently I know I should be ashamed of being so angry. But I'm not. I'm mad as hell and not sure when I'll be over it. I've wanted to take a hammer to that refrigerator all day. I kicked it a few times tonight. The stove better watch out!

My mother called me last night sounding a little down because of my recent illness and the fact that the family didn't spend Thanksgiving together. We talked for about an hour going over some of our family Christmas fiasco's. Honestly it was exhausting for me but it was a short amount of time and I know it made her feel better. As I get older I realize I may have fewer and fewer of these opportunities. Tonight I started thinking about other family 'events' and found myself laughing out loud. To say we are a bit dysfunctional would be an understatement. My mother is an only child, my father's family all live in Texas. My only immediate family nearby is my maternal Grandmother. I never knew what it was like to grow up with cousins and such around. Family reunions were just a mix of distant relatives I knew little about. So generally we kept to ourselves, even after my parents divorced over 20 years ago. Neither of them have ever remarried. For anyone that has read my archives, you already know I am the oldest of three females and a self proclaimed "Dadddy's Girl."

I love my Father's sense of humor. He is the funniest person I know. He is dry witted and sharp. He never tries to be funny, or atleast it never seems that way. He's also very straight-forward and to the point, things I very much admire. With all his good points he's not the sharpest tool in the shed when it comes to common senese. That's definitely my Mother's forte. Daddy never butts into my personal business, some may say he's unconcerned but it's not really like that. He will speak up occasionally but it's always very indirect. I like that too. This is a story of a Sunday afternoon he spent several years ago.

My Father, like many in his age bracket is a bit 'tight'. He doesn't count every cent, but damn close. After my parents divorced he lived in a tiny, out-dated, hideously decorated, furnished 3 room apartment for about 7 years. The living room was pained a muted beige with big metal blinds, the kitchen was bright hot pink with red counter tops, the bedroom was feces brown and the bathroom rainforest teal. The landlord thought it was chic. She was legally blind. My Dad never wanted to change the colors, he tried to stay gone because of them..I think. The place rented for $75/month. He always had revolving neighbors of colorful backgrounds. The duplex was never empty. He wanted somewhere else to live but didn't pound the pavement trying to find it. He lucked up and learned of a small house in the country. A little brick with 2 bedrooms, a yard well over and acre and a glorious view of the mountains. He debated for a few days because the rent was $100/month. He really worried about that rent increase. Let me say my Father is a college educated accountant that at the time worked for the largest producer of newsprint in North America. He wasn't financially strapped. He decided to  take the little house. The only drawback was he fact that his landlords were older and well very "involved" in their property. Ultimately this has worked out to be a great situation for all involved.

He furnished the house with new and used things. It was nice but very unassuming. He had a blast working in the yard, planting a garden with the landlord and sitting in his swing by the pond looking at the mountains. He decided he wouldn't invest in cable television because the house had an arial antenna and he could pick up all the local stations. The only bad point was during football season when he would have trouble getting NFL games on FOX. One Sunday afternoon Dallas(he's a native Texan and deeply devoted to The Lone Star State) was playing a big game. He was bound and determined to see that game. The antenna wire had blown loose from the antenna and he'd put off repairing it until game time. So he retreived his ladder from the basement and made his way to the roof. And so begins the trouble...

Daddy was 62 at the time, in good health and physical shape. He climbed up the ladder and just as he lifted his foot onto the roof her heard it, clunk...clunk...clunk....clunk...crash. Yes the ladder was flat on the ground. Not really thinking of the situation he moved to the antenna and reattached the wire. It was 4.m. He was in a pair of shorts, boat shoes and no shirt. He sat down and laughed a little to himself. He sat there for about a half hour and began to realize that the 13 foot drop off the roof probably wouldn't kill him, but at his age the chances of a broken bone or worse was a real possibility. At this point he began to yell. He never yelled "help" he yelled "hey", "whoa", "yee-haw" and the names of some of his neighbors. For over an hour he yelled. To no avail. He noticed his voice was becoming weak and hoarse. Another hour passed, he yelled at cars passing by. Folks would wave and yell back. I've often wondered what those passerby's must have thought about the old man on the roof? Around 5:45 p.m. He heard a dog barking. Now this idea to me was pure genius. He concocted the idea that maybe if started to bark he'd stir up all the neighborhood dogs and someone would wonder what was going on. At about 5:50 p.m. my Father started to bark. He barked loud, fast and vicious. From there he started to howl. In less than 30 minutes there was an orchestrated canine symphony. In less than 30 more minutes 8 dogs had congregated around his house. He continued to bark. He howled. He kicked his feet and waved his arms. He likened it to some scene out of 'Cujo'. He felt he had really accomplished something. Well except for the fact that not one soul had come out of their house. It was almost 7 p.m. and dark. He was very cold and almost resolved to the fact he'd freeze to death with no voice, on the roof, eventually rolling off into the mouths of the dogs lying in the yard below sometime during the  night. Finally during a very quiet moment he saw his landlord's outside light come on. He said at first he thought he was imagining it! lol His neighbor stepped out and with all he had in him he squealed her first name. She stopped dead in her tracks and said, "Stan, is that you?" He answered yes but she didn't hear him, she went back in the house and turned out the light. His eyes filled with water, he tried to bark again but could only whimper. He started to pray and prepared to jump. Just then the light came back on. The elderly couple came outside with a flashlight and shined it right in his eyes. They both began to laugh hysterically to which my Daddy replied, "You two get me off this roof and we'll have a good laugh about all this!" The lady said she just knew she'd heard something out there and convinced her husband to go back out with her. They hurriedly got the ladder up to the roof and Daddy off it. Like magic his phone started ringing, other neighbors came out to see what was going on. All admitted they'd heard the dogs barking, one even said they saw Daddy working with the antenna and figured he'd fixed the problem and forgot about it!

Maybe you'd have to know my Father a bit better to see the humor I see in this story. I've never understood why at 4:30 p.m. he didn't just hang from the gutters and drop to the ground? He's 6 ft. tall so it wouldn't have been "that" far of a drop. He said the time on the roof seemed better than being hurt lying in the yard completely helpless. Seems like the lesser of two evils to me. If you made it all the way through this tale, thank you. I hope  you took away a smile and maybe a chuckle.

Yes I'm lovin the left-overs! Yesterday was a pretty pissy day and I didn't enjoy the food. But today for some reason everything just tasted wonderful! I love cold "dressing"(yes in the South it's called that, lol) but my very favorite thing was the pickled green beans and corn my Mother sent me. They are a very acquired taste as you can probably imagine. Also a very southern dish. Scuba Diva had posted about weird Thanksgiving foods, I wish I'd remembered them and replied, lol. I say they're "southern" but honestly there's not many people around here that eat them. The are OLD southern fare. My Mother and Grandmother have canned them in the Summer for as long as I can remember. They are simply green white half-runner beans(these are best because of the big full beans) and yellow corn cut off the cobb. You pickle them with salt and that's it. To prepare you just open them up, take off the top portion(that part sometimes tastes a little musty) add them to a couple of tablespoons of bacon grease(feel the arteries hardening eh?) and "fry" or sautee them. My husband thinks they are the most vile things in the world, lol. I guess alot of people would. But they tasted absolutely divine to me.

The combination of the dressing and the pickled green beans and corn lifted my spirits. Funny how such an insignifigant thing can make you feel better huh? I am glad to be feeling this way.

Hope you all have had a good day too!

Tough question huh? Is there anyone out there that has conquered the step/parent thing? If so can you give me some hints?

I try so hard to be fair only to be made to feel like I make such a difference between my biological and step children. My step children are rude, ungrateful, hateful, unfriendly. My own children can be the same way, but they know when they've hurt me and they apologize. My step children could care less. I wanted today to be a good day. It wasn't.

Being sick doesn't help, I don't even have the strength to care.

Yes I feel some better! I'm still so weak but maybe, just maybe a little better. I was very emotional because tomorrow is Thanksgiving and our normal family tradition was not going to be taking place. The whole family had planned to go out to eat, but late this afternoon after talking with the whole family we decided that the weather was going to turn bitter cold, and the fear of contracting new germs, we decided not to go. I was so depressed. Thanksgiving dinner is such a big deal for me. I've been preparing it for 15 years. At 24 I took over the duty from my Grandmother when she moved into a small apartment. I took great pride in the preparation and decorating. Granted it was so much work and my health always suffered due to my heart condition. But it was a big source of pride. My Mother cares for my disabled 32 yr old sister on a daily basis and she does Christmas. My middle sister always fills in the gaps for both meals. But this year I just felt like I'd let everyone down. I know that I haven't and my family doesn't want me to do it, in fact they told me they wouldn't come if I attempted it! So at 5:30 p.m. this afternoon I called the deli at my step-sons work place and for the first time in many years paid someone to cook my Thanksgiving meal. And it was, um, actually a little liberating! My Mother said we should do this every year. I don't think so but it did  sort of give me some feeling of control of the situation again. Something I hadn't felt in a few days. So I will have my turkey, dressing(am going to make some homemade with my daughter tomorrow too), gravy, broccoli casserole, sweet potato casserole tucked away in the fridge ready to be reaheated after the men return home from their deer hunt in the morning. I will have some left-overs to eat tomorrow night. We will gather around the kitchen and chow down tomorrow after giving thanks for this year and our blessings, and then we'll all drift off into our tryptophan coma's! I will miss the fellowship of my extended famliy, that makes me sad. We are a small family and don't get together as much as we should. But I think I'm going to make a change in that dept. too. Sometimes it takes bad times to make you appreciate the good times you normally take for granted?

I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and joyous Christmas season. YIKES Christmas!!!

We're down to the wire for that last minute Thanksgiving Meal grocery shopping folks! The aisles are packed with frantic faces looking for Durkee French Fried Onion Rings, Libby's Canned Pumpkin and that all important jellied can of Ocean Spray Cranberry Sauce. As the Mother of two grocery cashiers I ask that you remember that these kids are just that, kids. My step-son had money thrown at him yesterday and my daughter got reamed by an elderly lady because the grocery was out of flat leaf parsley. They both went to work this afternoon with dread in their eyes. I couldn't help but laugh. Welcome to the real world kids!

• Captains Log Day 2: Let me say home is not hell, not in the sense it may seem. Right now it's just my own personal hell. I must say thanks for all of you who have left msg's and replies with well wishes. I may not seem grateful but I truly, truly am.


•  When I got home all I could think about was a long hot bath. I made mention of this to my Dr., nurses, husband, family, rank strangers...no one said it might not be such a good idea. I soaked in the tub for no less than an hour. It was an incredible good feeling. Until, it was time to get out. I quickly realized I couldn't. I had been bedfast for 8 days. My only activity was walking maybe 20 ft at once and taking a long time to do so. My fears in the bathroom soon turned to panic when I realized I was going to need help. I managed to roll myself out onto the bathroom floor, much like an injured manatee. I sat there for about 15 minutes totally exhausted. Trying over and over to pull myself up. Nothing worked. Finally I called for my husband. This was probably the most humiliating thing I'd ever had to do. He was mortified to find me wet, nude and crying in the middle of the floor. He cried right along with me. In that moment I felt the most weak and vulnerable point in my life. Then we laughed, and laughed and tried to make light of the whole situation.


• My day was rounded out with a nice nap curled up next to the gentle man who'd rescued me. While confined my room seem's like some sort of hellish prison. The constant gray clouds and rain seems to make it only more  shadowy and depressing.


• Captains Log Day 3-I got the 'ok' from my Dr. for two hours of sit down work. I had to coordinate a Thanksgiving Basket giveaway. It was so totally exhausting. All my dear church members and volunteers were so kind and doting. Kind of felt like being a new mother again. Afterwards me and Tim went for Mexican. I hadn't had food that tasted like anything in weeks. The chips tasted burnt but the cilantro was quite tasty, a real taste-bud opener. I also had a side of rice. And I seem to want milk with everything I eat. Too odd. Straight back home and to the bed. Another nap, some reading, watching TV, trying to do some stretching exercises to limber up the muscles. And then I did a little online reading. I can't do that for very long, but it is a nice change of pace. The children are out of school for the rest of the week. The boys all wanted to go hunting but my husband doesn't feel safe leaving me alone. Maybe the men can go for a bit in the morning and me and Jade can paint each others toenails. I also feel a reading binge coming on. I am a rabbid reader especially when feeling under the weather.


• Both my arms are in terrible pain. I had IV's in the whole time, for some reason the staff like the AV vein, that big one in the bend of your arm. That suits me fine since I've been having INR blood tests regularly there for years. I joke those veins are made of teflon. Unfortunately they began to blow this week. Strangest thing I've ever seen, they'd put the big needle in(which is completely painless to me) and nothing would happen. Not one drop of blood could be drawn. They brought in the seasoned guns for the task and they'd use those little butterfly needles with the catherter. They'd have to hit spots around my elbows and such. Very little pain just very time consuming. I always feel sorry for the phlebotomists, I see the pain in their eyes like they're so sorry for their job. But all came out alright. I just kind of look like a heroin addict, lol.


• I hope tomorrow's log will be a little more exciting, and I apologize if this is too graphic. It's just nice to be able to vent.


• With Thanksgiving a mere 2 days away I am thankful I am home. I am thankful I have people who love and care about me. And I am thankful to have a community to journal to!

Prayers for peace and love to everyone who may cross this page.

~Shannon

Well, after 8 grueling days in the hospital I am finally home. Horrible bought of viral pneumonia. 8 lovely days of hospital attire, 8 lovely days of hospital food, 8 lovely days of little to no activity rendering me much like the slug, 8 lovely days of changing IV lines when the good vein would blow, 8 days of prednisone treatments that have robbed me of any facial features whatsoever *sigh*.

I'd like to say I feel better but I don't. I've never had pneumonia, I've had the immunization but this one just crawled all over me. I had little to no resolve last Sunday night when I went in the ER so I was at their mercy. The Dr. tells me it could be weeks before I feel better. But I am upright, for now and breathing on my own so there's that ray of sunshine.

I hope the last week has been better for all of you all :-)

I am a Food Network junkie! I love all the shows but I guess my favorite(s) would be a toss up between Rachel Ray's $40 A Day and 30 Minute Meals. I like both of them for different reasons, but mostly I like Rachel. She's just a likeable host in my opinion. I've noticed on the new shows for this season Rachel's beefed up a little bit.  But no wonder, I think she looks great for someone who makes a living eating! What a life eh?

30 Minute Meals is a nifty little show that shows you how to whip up quick, nutritious meals, as a Mother I reallly like that. $40 A Day chronicles Rachel's trips to various cities tasting their food of course as well as local attractions. Here's my problem; while I like seeing the various cities, love seeing the very diverse restaurants, I find it hard to believe that there's anyone out there that couldn't eat on less than $40 a day! Many of her destinations are to places I've been or I want to go. The reality for means that usually I travel as a family. Spending 40 smackers a day, per person is not even feasible. Granted when it's just me and the hubby, we  splurge. I say to make it really interesting and informative rename the show to Feed A Family of 6 on $40 a day or $12.50 Per Day Per Person. Now those would really impress me!

Q. Are you a Food Network Fan too? If so, what show's do like? And what's some of your best tried and true secrets for traveling on a budget, without having to cook in every meal?

Tomorrow one of my very favorite onscreen women make a return, Bridget Jones. Renee Zellweger was just adorable in Bridget Jones's Diary and I expect more of the same in Bridget Jones: The Age of Reason. As a native Texan myself she blew me away with her British accent. And her goofy, 'get right back on the horse' attitude was an inspiration for me as a single woman. I loved the fact that she could always laugh at herself. I am not a fan of Hugh Grant and never have been but he played Daniel so well I found myself liking him. Well sort of, I was thrilled when he and Colin Firth get into the major brawl outside Bridget's house. I love the fact that Darcy(Firth) loves her in spite of all her personal hang-ups, like her weight issues(remember when Bridge catches Daniel with that other woman and the bitch actually says outloud, "I thought you said she was thin?" talking about just wanting to kick and scream). Any woman that's ever dealt with that problem knows how wonderful it is to have someone who accepts you just the way you are.

There are so many parts of Diary that I love, I love the first im's that Bridget and Daniel exchange, I love the relationship Bridget and her Dad have when her Mother takes leave of her senses, I love it when she answers the  phone; "Bridget Jones; wanton sex goddess" and it's her mum on the other end, I love the beginning when she's sitting alone after the Christmas party singing "Can't Live If Living Is Without You"! Face it, I just love the whole flick. I also love the fact that my husband doesn't make fun of it, calling it a 'chick flick', eventhough it clearly is. He actually liked it the first time he saw it, he's tired of it now tho!

Now a question for all...Another fav part is the first time Bridget and Daniel are "together". She's agonized all day about her behavior, ensemble, etc. She passes up the sexy black thong for a very matronly girdle type undergarment that will inevitably flatten the tummy region. Caught up in the 'moment' she forgets she has them on until Daniel touches them! She is mortified, he makes a very catty, yet gentle remark(which also made him a bit more endearing). I wonder has anyone else had a similar situation happen? I did. I had gone to a business luncheon and had plans to meet my boyfriend, now husband that afternoon. Yes it was a planned afternoon nookie fest! We had been dating about 3 months and literally couldn't keep our hands off one another. Gawd he was just the sexiest man I'd ever seen! I remember he had on this white polo type shirt and some incredible Levi's, his jet black hair, big eyes and those huge white teeth just had me reeling! He had the afternoon off, but he was very aroused to see me dressed for the early afternoon business. We went to a secluded campground at a local lake. In the car like a bunch of teenagers, things were moving quickly and he slid his hand up my skirt and I swear to God my heart stopped! It was then, and only then I remembered that horrific girdle I'd put on under my lightweight linen skirt! Oh this was not Bridget Jones control top panty thing. This was a full blown, seam up the ass, 3 inch elastic waist, triple panel tummy, GIRDLE! I jumped straight up in the seat and told him I had to go home. Of course then I laughed and explained to him what was wrong with me. This exchange prompted giggles the rest of the afternoon. In fact we drove out of the lake area with the thing hanging on the rear-view mirror! We still laugh about it. So much for the fantasy that we wear that sexy underwear all the time, huh?

Any similar stories?

Strange but true. This dog was one of many strays that some kind soul felt the need to drop off on us. He was starving, scared and obviously the victim of abuse. My heart broke at first when he'd cower around all of us. But heaven forbid now I am starting to wonder about him. 'Brownie' is very gentle by the light of day, he's even kind of comical. We live on a busy highway that sees alot of traffic, many times that traffic is emergency vehicles. We hear and see a plethora of ambulances, fire trucks, police cars, etc. About a month ago while cleaning house there was an accident and there were tons of lights and sirens. While dusting a back bedroom I heard it for the first time. Brownie was mocking every siren that went by. I looked out the window and there he stood watching the highway mimicking every siren. He would contort his little mouth in a 'O' and howl the exact same way the vehicles did. I burst out laughing startling him but only for a second, then he'd return back to his own siren. I found this endearing and very funny. By all accounts he's a pretty good dog. He doesn't get into the garbage, he won't carry off stray shoes left by the door. He's just a 'good 'ol boy' kind of a dog. Well until the night comes...

My daughter noticed it first, she even said, "I think that dog is afraid of the dark." Our home is rural eventhough it's positioned on a busy highway. Deer and other varmits roam wildly in the woods behind the house. At first I thought he was just barking at other animals. But now I'm not so sure. I've always considered myself a 'dog person' , much prefering them to cats. But last night I found myself having thoughts about that dog that were, well, less than kind. At 4 a.m. he had barked consistently for almost 8 hours. Given my current sickness I began to wonder what kind of teflon vocal chords that dog must have. By 4:30 a.m. I was just downright mad. I got up no less than 25 times telling him to "hush", only to have him resume the noise 2 minutes later. Granted I am sick and not feeling well to begin with but as the minutes dragged on like hours I seriously began to think about hurting that dog. Am I disturbed or what? I thought about taking the broom outside and just thrashing him good. Then I thought about my Daddy, who is in fact my hero, who would have loaded a gun and ended the torture along about 1 a.m. He is not a mean man but at age 69 his theory would be that life is too short to let a dog ruin sleep everynight. I'm not really sure he would kill him, but he'd talk about it, no doubt.

Now I feel bad because if the dog is frightened it's a pitiful thing, and I can't believe I'd ever think of harming him. Although, he's not barking right now!

One of my oldest friends called tonight just to chat. I had been expecting her call for a few weeks. We don't talk all that often but her oldest sister's son and my son play soccer together so I keep up on what's going on in her family. I knew that my friend had been the victim of some suprise lay-offs at her job. I knew she was devastated and while I hadn't called her I had told her sister that I was thinking about her. This friend is a college educated, financially independent woman in her late 30's. Never married and no children, she has often seen herself as a failure because of the aforementioned facts. I always reassured her that while she may have not married or reproduced she was still a very valuable person. Unfortunately she's never believed that. She called tonight after a particular bad fight with her Mother. Her mother has never been the least bit supportive of her. In fact she is one of the coldest women toward her own children I've ever known. I grew up with this woman. She and her family hung in the same circle as my parents. We grew up  somewhat children of privilege, i.e. both fathers had very good jobs(mine only slightly better because of a college degree), both mothers stayed home and never worked, we were members of the local Country Club enjoying summers taking tennis lessons and laying around the pool, both women were members of several Bridge clubs, etc. We weren't wealthy but just a little different from the rest of the Southern culture surrounding us. Both families had 3 girls. We never thought we were better than anyone else, in fact we thought everyone lived like we did. Both sets of parents divorced within 3 yrs of one another. My friend's parents first. She being the middle child and very sensitive was devastated by it all. Her mother was in fact having an affair, an affair with a man almost 20 yrs younger than she. That in and of itself in small town America in the late 70's was scandalous. But I must give credit where credit is due, my friend's mother started her own business and made a small fortune for herself and her husband. I don't include her daughters because I don't expect them to see any of it. They didn't while living at home. They don't now. I remember once spending the night and my friend needing tampons, she told her mother and she replied, "You know where the drug store is, it's not my problem." I can still see the hurt in my friend's eyes.

Most people react badly to being fired, and my friend is no exception. She called her mother the day she got the news and her reply was, "I sure hate to hear that, I'll pray for you. I can't talk right now, call me later." I have no doubt this is entirely true. My friend sought comfort from her sisters. Now my mother and I have our own set of issues. I too think my Mother is incredibly selfish at times. But my mother is a control freak, she in essence, cares too much. I remember when I was in Kindergarten, the teacher told the parents we'd all need the little mats to take naps on. You know the ones I'm talking about, they're blue and red and fold in thirds very neatly? They were inexpensive but most importantly they were the kind that everybody had. When you're 5 fitting in is almost as important as oxygen. Well my mother feeling that the little thin red and blue mats would not protect me from the cold hardwood floors of the church where I attended Kindergarten, subjected me to unbelievable embarassment. She bought me this lawn chair cushion! It was this horrid floral thing that when rolled up was the size of one of the big gymnastic mats you find in schools. When nap time came the teacher would instruct everyone to get their mats followed by the order, "Robert, Tim could  you please get Shannon's mat down and bring it to her sp0t." Everyone would look at the big floral tarp while picking their noses. I still remember how badly I hated that mat. But I can see now my mother was doing something good, so she thought. My friend's mother would have never done something like that. She would have bought the blue and red one and never gave it a second thought about her child being uncomfortable or cold.

My friend is almost 40 years old, she's been seeking her mother's approval all her life. I see the pain in her eyes when she speaks about her. And she's the type of mother that gloriously proclaims everything she's done for her 'girls'. It's such blantant bullshit. I wonder how this woman sleeps at night? None of her girls were what you'd call 'trouble'. They worked their asses off making their mother's business a success. They eventually accepted their step-father. All any of them ever wanted was her love. While I'm sure in her twisted mind somewhere she does love them, it's just so warped. I told my friend tonight that her mother was 63 years old, she was never going to change. I came to that conclusion about my own mother in the last few years. Both of these women expect 100% loyalty no matter what. And I honestly believe they both think they were model parents. When their life is nearing the end, I wonder if either of them will ever realize the pain and suffering they have caused their children? I've maintained the fact that parenting is the most difficult, selfless, thankless job in the world. I just wonder if they ever say to themselves, "I really didnt' handle that right?" or "I wish I'd done that differently."

I hope my friend has a better day tomorrow and she knows she is a good person with or without her mother's approval.

Relationships between mothers and daughters are mysterious thing, huh?

Just a brief post to say that I have been out of commission for the last several days while hospitalized. The medical profession is baffled about what might be wrong with me. So I decided to go to a higher power; you the blogging public! A little over a week ago I had two large cortisone injections in my lower abdomen to relieve immense pain from nerve entrapment(ok I'm not sure exactly what this entails but according to my gyno it's a condition that sometimes follows C-section scaring. I can see that but my last C-section was 13 yrs ago!) Anyhoo I had two injections, I had a flu shot two days before. I began feeling bad last Monday and I had progressively gotten worse. I was so sick Friday that I had to stop in a shopping mall parking lot and lay my seat back before driving home. I was in the hospital Fri and Sat. My question is; has anyone known or experienced themselves a reaction to cortisone injections? The Dr's at the hospital(a large hospital at that) saw no relevance or if they did they failed to say so. If anyone has any input I would surely appreciate it. My only sympotms are extreme fatigue, sore throat and very high white blood cell count.

I hope everyone else is having a better weekend :-)

I had an interesting lunch conversation a few days ago with 2 other friends. One of the friends has just semi-broken up with her live in boyfriend. In other words he's not living there full-time anymore. She made the remark that after they had got the arrangements ironed out they had incredible 'make-up' sex, which started a pretty surprising conversation. The other lady, early 30's, married made no bones about the fact that she was not in the make-up sex business. Her theory was she could never go from being really mad or upset to wanting romance. I can see that. The aforementioned female dealing with man problems said that make-up sex was the best ever, anytime.

I began to question just  how often I had ever had true make-up sex? I kind of side with the married lady, once I'm angry I DO want to make ammends, but I'm not sure ammends means sharing the most close, intimate activity a man and woman can share. As I pondered I knew I had in fact had make-up sex. But that realization left me with the burning question, 'Was it good? Was it the right time?' I know my husband felt good and yes there was an immediate bond. But it kind of left me feeling like the whole starting issue had been glossed over in a frenzy of hormones and wrinkled sheets.

I hate unresolved issues, especially with the man I love. And there are times when I know I've handled things wrong and I do want to cuddle up to him and tell him how much I love him, but honestly sex is usually the last thing on my mind. As women do men somehow expect make-up sex as truce of some sort? What kind of signals do we send if we do want 'make-up' sex?

Any input?

Unfortunately I'm still a bit under the weather here  :-( On a brighter note my Fantasy Football team actually won a game this weekend, YAY! Seems there were alot of upsets in both NFL and NCAA games this weekend. Bad for some, good for others like me that have a sucky fantasy team, lol.

Football has always been on of my favorite sports, living in Tennessee it's an unwritten law to be a 'VOL' fan...I think. The start of football season always says 'change' to me. Change in the seasons in particular. I love Fall, I love Fall here. I live in a small town surrounded by mountains. The colors this year are much better than they have been in a long time. Of course my yard is full of leaves that need raking, blah! The thermometer is not cooperating yet, it was 82 degrees here today. I'm ready for 'chilly' weather, not this humid warm stuff. These days seem a little more like Spring than Fall, but I know the change is a 'comin!

With Fall comes the busiest time of year for me. I host my family's Thanksgiving dinner. I've been doing this for years. It all started when my Grandmother moved into an apt. about 15 years ago, she just didn't have the room to do it anymore. Me being the oldest, took over the responsibility. I didn't mind at all, I love to cook and to entertain. Which brings me to my question to you the readers; what is your favorite thing about Thanksgiving? From food to frolic, let's hear it.

For me, it's a dish...a very simple dish. I make it every year and normally only at Thanksgiving. Not because it's expensive or that difficult to make, it's just a little time consuming. It's one of those 7-layer salads that I'm sure most of you have eaten. As I said it's very simple but special because this is usually the only time we eat it.

So c'mon what's your favorite thing about Thanksgiving?